What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
