Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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