we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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