things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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