Me. At least after what I've been through.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
