if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
