Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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