I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
