mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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