Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
