Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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