You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
