I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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