I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
