I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
