Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
