You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
