dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
