he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
