You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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