I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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