I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
