is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
