I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
