ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
