I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
