i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What drink are we having for lunch?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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