Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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