so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
