i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
