That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
