A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
