Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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