Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
