my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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