BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
