Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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