Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pants are for mortals
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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