Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
