I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
jump out the window naked night went bad
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
