so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
