I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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