Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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