and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
