her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
