wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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