I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
