I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
