I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want her autograph on my taint
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
