Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
