Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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