So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
